Lookalikes

We’ve all got one: the good, the bad and the ugly. Whilst on holiday last week I asked my assembled friends who they often got told they look like (cue much hilarity). Results included: Dennis the Menace; Jeff Brazier; Rebecca Adlington; Alan Rickman (from one of my female best friends — this made my day) and Jamie Oliver.

My own lookalikes include Gail Porter (specifically when she’s bald, apparently — which may have something to do with the fact that I s-c-r-a-p-e back my bun into near baldness), Lauren Holly as Dumb and Dumber’s Mary Swanson, Elisha Cuthbert and Clare Danes (it’s the round eyes, I hope, rather than my tendency to act like Carrie Mathieson). Most memorable of all, though, has to be “a cross between a young Kate Moss and Sienna Miller” from a teenage paramour who was trying to get to know me intellectually trying to get in my pants. Oh, how I lolled. He didn’t succeed, either. (I feel you should know that. I’m not that gullible.)

Possibly the best lookalikes ever: Gillian Taylforth | Kate Moss.
Ph. from DailyMail.co.uk

The amusing thing, of course, is that you can bear utter resemblance to someone who is considerably less, or more, attractive than you. Gillian Taylforth is by no means an unattractive bird, but I can bet your bottom dollar that La Moss would rather be compared to Brigitte Bardot. That said, the resemblance between them is, undeniably, staggering. On the other hand, a friend of mine who often gets told she looks like Blake Lively – the resemblance is certainly there – gets really embarrassed incase she comes across as agreeing with them.

They’re essentially difficult beasts to accept, lookalikes. Whether you cheerfully agree with the flattering contender, or moodily bat away the unflattering, in both scenarios you look arrogant. If you get told you look like Donald Trump in a wind machine, you’re going to struggle to accept it with grace. But if you get told you look like ‘Gisele on a good day’ you’re probably going to punch the air, weep like Gwyneth during her Oscars speech and wet your knickers all at the same time.

Another point to consider, is that what people consider attractive, or unattractive is so wildly divergent across the board. I’ve had numerous, pointless rows with my mother over someone drop dead gorgeous who she denounces as ‘plain’ (“SHE’S SO BEAUTIFUL” I shriek, “SHE’S OBVIOUSLY SO BEAUTIFUL, YOU FOOL”), whilst someone she thinks is, “utterly ravishing” (her stock phrase) is normally someone about as plain as your bare toast in the morning. I’m not going to give examples to illustrate these vignettes with, as that’s both redundant and mean. However, this train of thought may go some way to explaining why my mother frames all of the most disgusting pictures of me, favouring images of me at my most pale, doughy and downright creepy. Anyway, ma mere aside, it’s worth remembering that a lookalike you may wrinkle your nose up at (I look like THAT? you react, with horror) may infact be intended as a massive compliment from an individual whose desperately hoping to get you into Bedfordshire. Rather than send you home weeping with a bag over your head/arse/other.

To conclude this post, being told you look like anyone is a huge compliment. As it means they’ve been staring at your fizzog for long enough to draw comparisons.*

*Yeah, I know. Deluded or what. That conclusion’s just about the rosiest conclusion I could ever draw. But I like it. It’s staying. OK? And anyway, it’s better than someone staring at your face because you have a ‘massive spot’. like my boyfriend did last night.

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